THE WARD

The Ward
Dir: John Carpenter, 2010
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1369706/
Reviewed by: Chase

Synopsis: A busty, blonde beauty performs some delinquent acts of arson, among other misdeeds commonly associated with the insane, resulting in her inevitable institutionalization. In the ward (the title! that's the title!), Kristen, our blonde and ballsy heroine, meets her fellow inmates, all pretty princesses, and when the girls start dropping like flies, Kristen realizes there is something or someone haunting the ward, threatening their very lives.

Review: Let's not mince words: this movie is embarrassing. The so-called twist ending was predictable and uninspired (see spoiler below), the dialogue was L.O.L. hilarious (i.e. "If I were you I'd watch out, new girl."), and the "acting" made B-movie thesps look kind of awards worthy. The scares relied so heavily on quick, in-your-face spooks, outward cries of terror from the audience were replaced with giggles. Lot and lots of giggles.

I am really digging for something positive to say about the movie... The lead actress, Amber Heard, is gorgeous. That's all.

*SPOILER WARNING* I'm saving you all a lot of pain and wasted time by revealing the "twist" at the end, because frankly, it was a giant pile of stinky do-do. Turns out, Kristen was raped as a child and as a result her mind split into multiple personalities. All of which are beautiful, busty women. Meaning: all the girls in the ward are individual splinters of Kristen's mind! Oh, and the grotesque, melty-faced woman behind all the murders in the ward? She is the doctor's "new technique" of killing each of Kristen's alter egos. *SPOILER ENDS*

Some scary movies can be classified as "so bad they're good," but that is not the case with The Ward. It's just so bad.

Rating: 3/10 
Scare Scale: On a scale of one to scary, The Ward was not.